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Q: “My family loves playing board games at the cottage, but I’m not a fan. I think most games are boring. (My sister says I’m a “weirdo.”) I will play one or two rounds to be a good sport, but I usually just end up reading a book while they play. How can I suggest switching things up without taking away from their fun?”

A: Board games are enduring fixtures of pretty much every cottage place, filling drawers and closets and blanket boxes with a geological record of game-dom that can reach back to a Parcheesi board that has been in the family since the Boer War. Even people who don’t play games at their regular homes will have a hoard of cardboard entertainments up at the lake, which is a bit odd, but maybe it’s because the family cottage is the one place where enough people gather to provide the critical mass you need for board game play. It really doesn’t matter, though, because board games, like s’mores and sunburn and mosquito repellant, having been specifically named in the Book of Cottage, are mandatory things. So it is written.

I think some cottagers who don’t really like board games will play them if necessary, usually to appease a bored child or to “be a good sport,” as you have already noted. So, no, you are not a weirdo. Personally, I dislike most board games because of their utter pointlessness, with moves controlled by cards or dice, and little in the way of mental stimulation. Think Candy Land or Pop-O-Matic Trouble. Risk is all about global domination, which sounds like the best thing ever, but even if you win the game, you actually end up dominating nothing but a sheet of cardboard and some plastic game pieces. And that’s after playing a game that can take days to finish. But what do I know? When I was a child, my very favourite games were Mousetrap and Rattle Battle, mostly because they involved noisy contraptions that drove adults nuts.

I would guess that most cottagers truly do like board games, if only because they represent togetherness and family tradition. I also suspect some people play games because they must always be active and organized and are patently unable to relax and do nothing. Why some people love games more than others is a mystery, but we do know one thing for sure: there are about a gazillion different board games out there in the Fun-O-Verse, both old and new. Maybe if you could find a new game, one that you might actually enjoy, you could join in the cottage fun without having to suffer through two hours playing Clue where, spoiler alert, it was Colonel Mustard with the candlestick in the library.

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One way you could escape the misery of Cards Against Humanity or Hungry Hungry Hippos is to get your cottage crew into some games that are more active and less board. For example, I would rather play darts than Bananagrams any day of the week. (Actually, I would rather eat a bran muffin studded with broken glass than play Bananagrams, but that’s just me.) Why not shake things up with proper old-timey action games like horseshoes or ring toss or croquet or lawn darts? Cornhole anyone? I hear the hip kids are even throwing axes at wooden targets these days. Does anybody play mumblety-peg any more? Maybe it’s time to start.

Another way to up your game, so to speak, is to play for real money. The stake amounts are entirely arbitrary so you can play for pennies or real polymer banknotes. Do consider, however, that the higher the stakes, the more exciting your games will become, which translates into a higher level of emotional investment and better motivation. For example, regular Monopoly, using Monopoly money, can be super boring because, well, what’s the point? But swap that cartoon cash for Canadian Pesos and things get real interesting, real fast. Like when your judgemental sister checks into your new hotel on Marvin Gardens. “Who’s the weirdo now, Marcia? You owe me 1,200 bucks!”

The application of real currency to board games is truly transformative. Trust me. Normally I wouldn’t give two hoots if you sunk my battleship. But if you sunk my battleship and now I can’t pay my car insurance because I owe you $900? Well, that’s another, more exciting, kettle of fish entirely, isn’t it?

A lot of the time, cottage board game play is all about keeping children occupied. Which is great, because playing games with children for real money can be tons of fun. Kids are so naive. With really small ones, you can convince them, for example, that your loonie is worth more than their toonie. What’s the harm? For youngsters, the artificial construct of currency is just an abstraction, like the Tooth Fairy. Without being braggy, I will tell you that I am pretty good at Scrabble. But when I play against 10-year-olds, I am all but unbeatable, which is a very nice feeling indeed. Plus, I get to walk away with some extra cash in my jeans. The pay-it-forward benefit when you play children for real money is that you are actually doing them a favour. Beating a grade schooler at Jenga is one thing. But beating her at Jenga and taking $15 worth of Grandma’s birthday money teaches humility and how to appreciate the value of a dollar.

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There’s a good chance you won’t be able to change your family’s board game habits. And I doubt you will turn into a game-lover overnight. So you might just want to stick with the status quo and read your books while others play. But if you truly want to warm up to the games thing, a good place to start is with a liberal application of alcohol. Adults only, of course, and here’s the thing: Pong was one of the first video games ever invented, yet nobody remembers it anymore. But when someone added beer to the equation, Beer Pong became the biggest party game in cottage country. It really cracked the code. That’s why playing Snakes and Ladders is dull and can lead to murmuring sadness, but navigating the same board with a pitcher of margaritas is super fun, even when you lose. You could even “gin up” some theme game nights with combos like Mojito Othello or Pina Colada Pictionary. Who wouldn’t love to play Trivial Pursuit of Zinfandel? The same way some good gravy can tune up a milquetoast meatloaf, a touch of tipple can make a good board game better and a bad one bearable. It’s a game changer.

This article was originally published in the August 2022 issue of Cottage Life.

Q: “We rarely let anyone use our cottage without us being there, except for a certain friend. Recently, she called to ask if she, her boyfriend, and her kids could stay for the weekend, which was fine with us. But after, she texted that her boyfriend’s children also came and stayed the night. I am not okay with her inviting additional guests without our knowledge. Am I wrong? And why am I feeling like the jerk for having to come up with a way to say that wasn’t okay?”

A: No, you are not wrong, but you are also in a bit of a tricky situation in the personal hurt feelings department. Judging by the tales of frustration told by my cottage contacts, this specific offence seems to happen all the time but with various subtle nuances, from a cousin who left non-relatives for a few solo nights at the cottage without clearing it first, to that shameful summer classic where the “kids”—having been entrusted to stay up at the lake by themselves—host a giant booze and drug-fuelled shaker that causes personal injury, property damage, and the undying enmity of cottage neighbours.

One couple I know had arranged for friends to “cottage sit” when they were away on a long vacation. Months later, they started meeting strangers who complimented them on their cottage, particularly mentioning the wonder of the outdoor hot tub. Some even sent photos of the fun times. Turns out, the friends who were looking after the joint held a good-sized dinner party, inviting people the owners had never met, and capped the night with hot tub cocktails. Someone even reprogrammed the Apple TV so they could access different video services. There was no physical damage to the cottage, but plenty of hurt feelings.

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Of course the first response by anyone who has experienced this sort of thing is total outrage, mixed with varying degrees of personal violation and then bitter disappointment in the culprits involved. And no matter where the offence falls on the sliding scale, the howling plea—with face raised to heaven—is always the same: “What could ever make them think that this would be okay?” Herein, I think, is the crux of the issue, namely some form of miscommunication between rational people that leads to very unpleasant and squirmy personal dilemmas. Because in most cases—except the ones involving rotten and untrustworthy offspring—the players are all generally respectable adults connected by family or friendship, not some skid-bomb low-lifes who defiled a cottage they rented on Airbnb.

Long-time readers of this magazine, especially those interested in figuring out how to successfully share a family cottage with siblings and relatives without bloodshed or buckets of tears, will know that the only proper solution to co-ownership is to have a well-lawyered contract drawn up, one that specifies and stipulates and provides paths of settlement for any contingency possibly imaginable. I think it’s the lack of the same that causes these hurtful cottage misuses that we are talking about here. For instance, was the cousin who let strangers stay at the cabin made specifically aware that this was not allowed by the owner? Or was it just assumed a nominally intelligent person would ask first? You know what they say about assumptions.

From your letter, it doesn’t appear that you explicitly told your friend that it was okay for her to use the place and include her children and boyfriend, but no one else. So some people might take this to indicate that since you are okay with your friend and her group using the place, you wouldn’t object to others that she has vetted joining along. The logic being that if you trust her, you must trust her judgement as well. I am generally not a forgiving person, but it doesn’t sound like your friend operated with malice or recklessness toward the stewardship of your cottage.

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I personally suspect that your friend got sandbagged by her boyfriend when he showed up with his own kids without telling her. Is that possible? If so, it changes the narrative a bit. What was she supposed to do? Send them back down the highway? She probably should have called you right away to make sure it was okay, and I’m guessing you would have been fine with the extra kids. She could also have stayed silent and you would have been none the wiser, but instead she chose to fess up later, albeit by text. To me, this indicates some crisis of conscience on her part. Should it count in her favour?

That “why am I feeling like a jerk” feeling seems to be universal. I think it comes from one party feeling wronged, but unwilling to confront the other party with this information for fear of being seen as petty or small minded. “What’s the big deal? So we had a couple of extra guests. Lighten up.” But you are not a jerk. You’re someone with hurt feelings caused by poor communications. You want to let your friend know how you feel, but a finger poke to the chest is a bad idea. Full-out accusation—especially without knowing all the pertinent details—will surely cause you to look like a true jerk and threaten your relationship.

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So what’s the solution? You could choose to say nothing and decline to share the cottage with her again, which would probably make you feel bad for a long time and lose a friend. Or you could call her up and say what’s on your mind, which is the grown-up thing to do. This sounds great on paper, of course, but what you really want, deep down, is some form of an apology and an acknowledgement that she acted improperly. Which is something you might not get. Then what? I’m thinking that if you simply explain your feelings in a straightforward manner everything will work out just fine. But if the offence of two extra kids for a one-night stay is that upsetting, you either need to adjust your expectations or do some friend pruning.

It does occur to me that your uncomfortable situation could have been avoided entirely if you had chosen to rent your cottage to your friend, rather than lend it. With a rental arrangement details are spelled out: a time frame, what household items are provided, which boats and toys are available, and how many occupants are allowed on the cottage property. Standard stuff. The rental option lets you be upfront with rules and expected behaviour and your friend would not have to feel beholden or worry about breaking cottage rules. You could give her a really good deal, a fraction of what you could easily charge to ordinary renters. Call it your special rate, reserved for your nearest and dearest friends.

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